.anime phreak. – call me Ki様

Final Fantasy XIII – the Good, the Bad, and the UGLY (First Impression)

So squareenix has finally released their latest work, to add to their big list of Final Fantasy collection.
Is it really their latest? The Japanese version came out a while back, and the only difference are the vocals.
(Damn these unionized seiyu’s! Work so slow!)

Back on topic, let’s get down to the breakdown. (Hellz yes! My lame pun skillz are back!)

As a little background on myself, I’ve only played FF7, 8, and 9, and I didn’t finish any of them.

The Good

• After the encounter with Last Remnant, I’d say Final Fantasy has improved on their storywriting… a little bit. Maybe they downsized their staff during the recession, but I can tell you they kept their excavators. Because they are methodically digging their own grave. (Maybe I shouldn’t be so tough on them)
• Final Fantasy is pure eye candy, from start to…. well, to as far as I got, with flashy graphics and enough lighting effects and contrast to give seizures to blind people. And more importantly, shorten the lifespan of my TV.
• Linear world. Don’t you know it, it’s as linear as it gets, if you keep making right turns you’d head in the right direction. (Ah ha ha ha, there is nothing cooler than laughing at your own puns) This is a double edge sword however; since simplifying  a game to cater to drunkards, crackhead, and retards have its limits, because as far as I know, none of them have the capabilities to buy your game. The only reason I put it on the good side is because I am desperately trying to make this list look balanced
• Socially awkward Vanille is moe~

The Bad

• Where to begin… the people who names the characters… Lightning, Snow, wtf? Who the hell calls their kid that? (Named after Final Fantasy spells that they TOOK OUT from the game) Not only that, why can they not keep their Japanese counterparts? I was playing this game… and oh, a hot girl. Oh wait, she’s a mother, but that’s okay, she’s still hawt, amirite? But wait… why doesn’t she have a name, why only called Mother? Oh wait- don’t tell me… DAMN she dies. I knew it. And that is how squareenix deal with the how people can tell who’s not important by looking at the level of detail in their character design, they made it even more simple by not giving them a name. Her son, on the other hand, is given a masculine name, Hope. Hope people don’t make puns out of his name too much.
• They keep downsizing and…. oh. No Japanese audio? I see, because no one knows Japanese other than in Japan, amirite? They are geniuses to see the growing trend of people who prefer their anime undubbed… and ignore it. If you are going forcefeed dubs to us, at least give us a sexy british accent like in Last Remnant. (Davide, the extra e at the end of names just makes it so much more exotic!) And what’s with Vanille’s overly cutesy and annoying voice? Wait… a review here says the Japanese version has all annoying and cutesy voices… maybe it’s not so bad after all.
• On the topic of audio, you’d think they’d do a better job of lipsyncing. Oh right, if they want to re-render for english words, we’d have to wait for another 3 years.
• Weapon ideas – So, a boomerang that returns even if you hit the target, a weird staff that acts as 6 fishing rods. Cool weapon ideas, better than using swords and fists in a futuristic environment… wait, they have those too.

The UGLY

• So, they release a demo for a game, and when people buy the game, it’s actually not like the demo! PUNK’D! That’s what happened with Final Fantasy XIII. They, again, retardrized another element of the game. This time, the victim is the combat system, instead of a nice (and somewhat challenging) air combo that you can do in the demo, they give you a chance to…. do nothing. That’s right, they just say, “Hey, look, we made the game easier to play for everybody so everytime you hit an enemy, it gets more and more damage instead!”. I SEE, they’re so smart, they’re trying to copy the success of Heavy Rain and make FFXIII into an interactive drama with a linear plot! The story is so amazing that… wait, it’s not amazing, oops.

The Forecast

I’ve only started on this game so I don’t think I should condemn this game… yet. Anyways, quite a few of my friends have it and I will play it just for a conversation topic. (Although 70 bucks may be a bit too expensive just for a topic) Well, the forecast is… Cloudy with a chance of Nerd Rage.

Hope I’m a crappy weatherman, cheers!